


Plane Shenanigans

by lionofinflatabledestiny



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010 Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, M/M, Mile High Club, Smut, humour and general bants with a bit of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 00:31:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13493067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionofinflatabledestiny/pseuds/lionofinflatabledestiny
Summary: On their flight back from Jamaica in 2010, Dan and Phil try their hand at having sex on a plane and joining the mile high club. But of course, not everything goes to plan.





	Plane Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> howdy! this baby has been in the works for almost two months now! don't let the word count fool you, i did actually spend two months writing and rewriting this, so i'm very happy to release it into the wild! this is kinda my first *proper* published phanfic, so i'd love to hear any thoughts/feedback/criticism you have :)

Dan scribbled his reply on the ripped page torn from Phil’s notebook; a smug grin on his face. He was sat next to Phil, the rest of the aeroplane cabin blissfully asleep on the flight back from Jamaica. Dan handed the paper to Phil.

_Haha and then what? ;)_

Phil rolled his eyes. Dan had at first been a little resistant to Phil’s insistence they should pass notes back and forth while they both re-watched “ _Up”_ on the in-flight entertainment system. However, what had started off as family friendly banter, _(Is that Supernanny sitting over there?_ ), had turned far more risqué. The movie, long abandoned, played in the background as Dan and Phil exchanged racy messages with each other.

Phil gave him back the page and Dan unfolded it, narrowing his eyes.

_I miss your cock so much. Just want it in my mouth._

Phil’s crudeness sent a shot of electricity straight to Dan’s crotch. _Fuck._ Dan’s cock twitched and Dan felt his face flush pink. He squirmed in his seat, squeezing his thighs together. Dan heard Phil snicker and whipped his head to face him. Phil looked very pleased with himself. Dan pouted.

“Shut up,” Dan muttered.

Phil gave him a playful nudge, tongue peeking out. Dan pouted further and snatched the paper away to write his retort. Dan could feel the slight swell in his jeans. _Bloody Phil and his dirty talk. Two can play at that game_ , Dan thought. If he had to endure an uncomfortable plane boner, he was sure as hell dragging Phil down with him.

_What are you waiting for? Drag me to the bathroom and blow me._

Dan’s face was the picture of innocence as Phil stared at the message, and then at Dan with a quizzical look. Dan simply shrugged.

While Phil got to work writing his response, Dan focused on picturing dead babies and not the way his skin tingled with the persistence of his cock. Phil handed him the page, and Dan tried to suppress his grin in anticipation.

_Let’s do it. I’ve always wanted to join the mile high club!_

Dan inhaled sharply. _Fuck, why was this so hot?_ A surge of new determination ran through him. He would do what he did best: being a whiny tease and riling Phil up.

_I want it Phil. I want us to fuck and I want everyone on the plane to hear me scream your name. I want them to know how good you make me feel._

Dan waited for Phil’s reaction out of the corner of his eye. He noticed the subtle quirk of Phil’s eyebrow and the way he chewed on his lip.

Phil then leant in close, breath hot against Dan’s ear. The sensation sent chills down Dan’s spine, and his eyes fluttered closed.

“Dan,” Phil whispered, his voice husky and low, “Do you have a secret exhibitionist kink you’re not telling me about?”

~~

And that was how Dan and Phil ended up in a cramped aeroplane bathroom together. Sure, attempting plane sex would definitely rate in Dan’s worst suggestions of all time. But after a few more lewd notes, neither backed down. So dammit. Dan was sure as hell not going to be the one to step in with some self-control. Wasn’t Phil supposed to be the older, wiser, more responsible one?

“So,” Dan began, his voice a whisper, “How are we doing this?”

The two of them stood pressed against the bathroom door. In addition to the bathroom having less than a square metre of floor space, the overpowering scent of chemical sanitisers hung in the air. Dan regarded it as quite sexy.

Phil didn’t move, his jaw rigid and eyes wide. Dan kissed Phil’s nose in reassurance. “You know we don’t have to do this.”

Phil tilted his head and gave Dan a Look, proceeding to unbutton Dan’s jeans. Dan tried not to smirk. If being caught having plane sex was the way he was going to go, then so be it.

~~

Dan’s legs stood either side of Phil, sat on the toilet seat lid. Phil placed a soft, cautious kiss on the tip of Dan’s cock, making Dan take in a shaky breath. The magnitude of being mere feet away from a couple hundred passengers, was not lost on either of them.

Phil began jerking him off and Dan acutely knew of the precariousness of their situation. If Dan made a noise too loud, everyone would hear him falling apart at the hands of his sexy boyfriend. The thought only turned him on more; his cock now fully erect in Phil’s hands. Maybe he did have an exhibitionist kink after all. Fuck.

“Ready?” Phil murmured.

Dan nodded and curled his hands into Phil’s hair for support. Phil leant forward and gripped Dan’s hips as he slowly swallowed around him. His tongue swirled around Dan’s head and Dan’s eyes rolled back. Phil sucked rhythmically, his lips red and full. A sudden twist of anxiety coiled itself around Dan. Perhaps this wasn’t a good idea.

“Ph–“

 _Bang!_ The whole plane shook violently. Dan’s hips jolted forward, his cock impaling Phil’s throat with great force. Dan stumbled, losing his footing. Panic rushed through him, every plane crash movie coming into vivid memory. Dan barely registered Phil gagging beneath him.

The loud speaker blared. “Ladies and gentlemen, the pilot would like to apologise for the sudden hit of turbulence. Please be rest assured, there is no cause for concern.”

Dan breathed. They were safe. Dan looked down to see Phil coughing and spluttering, clenching his neck.

“Phil!”, Dan whisper-screamed, “Are you okay?!”

Phil grimaced, nodding.

“We’re getting the fuck out of here, right now!”

~~

Dan awoke bleary-eyed to Phil nudging him in the side.

“Dan, it’s time to wake up now. We’re nearly there.”

Dan groaned and turned to face Phil. Dan hadn’t realised he fell asleep. He had been discussing with himself whether he could work, “impaling your boyfriend with your penis on a plane” into a suitable “Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail” video. The jury was still out on that one.

With a mysterious glint in his eye, Phil handed Dan a small piece of paper, torn to the size of a business card. Dan tried to not roll his eyes.

“No, thank you. I’m pretty sure I’ve learnt my lesson about passing secret notes.”

Phil was unperturbed. “Just look at it!”

Dan’s face softened, and he placed a chaste kiss on Phil’s shoulder, “Fine.”

_Mile High Club Lifetime Membership Card*_

_Daniel James Howell_

_Congratulations on having plane sex!_

And then in very small print at the bottom:

_*only valid while dating Mr Philip Lester, The Amazing_

Despite himself, Dan felt his heart swell, and he looked to Phil with a fond smile. Phil grinned back.

“They gave me one too!” Phil produced another torn piece of paper.

“How generous of them!” Dan said, poking Phil’s cheek.

Phil nodded earnestly before resting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

As the airport runway came into view, Dan sighed; fatigued yet contented. He would forever be haunted by committing unspeakable acts in an aeroplane bathroom. But as far as travelling with your boyfriend goes, this Jamaica trip was the best it could ever get. Right?

~~

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> link to fic on tumblr :D


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